Dictionary of Wifespeak

You want
You want

We need
I want

It's your decision
The correct decision should be obvious by now

Do what you want
You'll pay for this later

We need to talk
I need to complain

Sure... go ahead
I don't want you to

I'm not upset
Of course I'm upset, you moron

You're... so manly
You need a shave and you sweat a lot

You're certainly attentive tonight
Is sex all you ever think about?

I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting!
I'm on my period

Be romantic, turn out the lights
I have flabby thighs

This kitchen is so inconvenient
I want a new house

I want new curtains
And carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...

I need wedding shoes
The other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white

Hang the picture there
No, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise
I noticed you were almost asleep

Do you love me?
I'm going to ask for something expensive

How much do you love me?
I did something today you're really not going to like

I'll be ready in a minute.
Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV

Is my butt fat?
Tell me I'm beautiful

You have to learn to communicate
Just agree with me

Are you listening to me!?
Too late, you're dead

Yes
No

No
No

Maybe
No

I'm sorry
You'll be sorry

Do you like this recipe?
It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it

Was that the baby?
Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep

I'm not yelling!
Yes I am yelling because I think this is important

All we're going to buy is soap dish
It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new pocket books, and ohmigod there's a sale in lingerie, and wouldn't these pink sheets look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

In answer to "What's wrong?"

The same old thing
Nothing

Nothing
Everything

Everything
My PMS is acting up

Nothing, really
It's just that you're such an asshole

I don't want to talk about it
Go away, I'm still building up steam